Tell me something funny

[Haggis]

1)A man is walking along the beach when he meets a women with no arms and no legs she says will you screw me, the man picks her up and throws her in the water and says "now your screwed"


2)what do you tell a girl with two black eyes?

nothing shes already been told twice!!!!


3)I have not spoken to my mother in law for 2 years, but i dont like to interrupt.


4)man walks into a bar a spots a beautiful woman sat on her own, he aproaches her and offers a drink and the woman accepts. while talking about each other the woman claims she is 54, the man amazed thinks wow she looks quite hot. they get on so well the woman ask's him if he has ever had a mother daughter threesom, with a grin on his face he says nope and the woman kindly offers to fullful that missing part in his life as they approach the bottom of the womans stairwell at her house the man is discusted when his date shouts up the stairs " MUM ARE YOU STILL AWAKE "


5)There's a plane flying over the Atlantic, and on board are the Pope, Thierry Henry, George Bush, Akon and a young schoolboy. Suddenly the plane goes into a nose - dive, and the pilot announces over the intercom that everybody needs to bail out with a parachute as the plane will crash in 60 seconds. However there are only 5 parachutes. So Akon takes a parachute, says, "I am one of the greatest artists of the 21st century, my fans need me", and takes a pack and jumps off the plane. Next, Thierry Henry walks to the edge and says "I am great footballer. My club and supporters need me," and grabs a parachute and jumps off the plane. Next up is George Bush, who says "I am the greatest and most intelligent leader that has ever lived. The world needs me," and grabs a pack a jumps of the plane. The Pope says to the young schoolboy, "Child, I am an old man, and will be with God soon. Take a parachute and live your life"

The schoolboy replies, "Don't worry sir, there's a parachute for both of us, because the greatest leader of all time took my schoolbag!"


6)My son asked me if i could tell him about anal sex. I said, "son, I can do one better than that..."

[KNI9HT]

Originally Posted by Haggis

Tell me something funny ...

Pope, Thierry Henry, George Bush, Akon and a young schoolboy ...there are only 5 parachutes.

Fail count.

[Haggis]

LMAO!!!! It's not ma joke, i got it off the interweb! Maybe it was a hidden joke, or perhaps the guy just genuinely couldn't count. LOL!!

Just pretend it says 4 parachutes

Knight, you eagle eye

[KNI9HT]

lol, well I'll start adding my own.

1) Alright, so four pirates get stuck on an islands with a chick, they decide a few weeks after that each one of them would "float their boat" with her for a month, so as not to interfere with each other's "sex time." All was going well with this plan until a year into it, the chick died. The first month passed by pretty easily. The second month did not seem like much trouble, either. By the third month an air of uneasiness had settled upon the pirates. The fourth month brought in the craving for something better. The fifth month was god awful to get through. So the sixth month, they threw the body away.

2) YouTube - Wardrobe (The Closet) - Canal plus

[Haggis]

LMAO!! I like

[French]

pilot took a pack. WIN.